Seven Months Later, Spinal Tumor Pedophile Pleads Guilty

Following his arrest back in February for possession of child porn, former LA City Commissioner Al Abrams claimed that his supposed sudden predilection towards naked children was due to a tumor growing on his spine. The only problem was that his nine month old tumor couldn’t have possibly been to blame for the decade of child porn he had accumulated on his computer. Word just came out that he finally reached a plea bargain. Continue reading

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21 Infamous Celebrity Murders

I don’t know why some people crave fame; give me anonymous wealth and prosperity any day. Fame can be a means to that end, of course, but as these tragic cases show, fame is still a four-letter word that, if nothing else, puts a big fat target on your back. (For the sake of a manageable list, we’ll keep political assassinations separate.)

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Looking Butthurt in Silly News Articles

You know the expression “no news is good news?” Well, it’s never been truer than for these sad saps. These are some of the worst sourpusses around, and it is our job to laugh at them. Below find a list of people who have immortalized their petty complaints for eternity—taking their outrageous outrage (and their butthurt faces) to the internet as though etching their sour grapes into stone.

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People Posing with Hitler

Usually tourists at Madame Tussauds are allowed to closely inspect the artwork so that they can revel in the complexity of the piece or the lifelike mannequin. After all, isn’t that what these museums are for? So that we can humanize and analyze our most storied heroes and monsters? Continue reading

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Water Sports in a London Restroom?

The always (if nothing else) entertaining folks at Vice have just published what is no doubt destined to become fodder for future urban legends. Behold: the Legend of the British Pub Piss Dungeon.

According to their unnamed sources a patron at a popular chain pub in London recently complained of seeing an eyeball staring back up at him from the urinal while he was taking care of business. Continue reading

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Former LA City Commissioner Blames Child Porn Charges on Tumor

For months now, former L.A. City Commissioner Albert Abrams is said to have been trying talk his way out of being arrested on charges of child pornography. But it looks like the U.S. Attorney has heard enough as federal agents arrived and took Abrams into custody last Wednesday. Continue reading

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How to Obtain Your Own FBI Record

Ever wondered if “the man” has been keeping an eye on you? Worried that your Jack Bauer slashfic might be hitting a little too close to home and you’ll wind up with some G-Men at your door one day? Why not find out if the government has been keeping any tabs on you. It’s easy, here’s how…

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Man Arrested for Cooking His Own Cheeseburger in Restaurant

Sporting two crack pipes and a stun gun, a man walked into a Denny’s in Madison, Wisconsin and proclaimed himself the new restaurant manager. He was mid-way through preparing a cheeseburger and fries for himself when the actual manager decided to dial 911.

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Man Ruled ‘Too Smart’ to be a Cop

The US District Court of Appeals in New York just rejected 49-year-old Robert Jordan’s lawsuit claim that he was discriminated against by the New London police department on the basis of his intellect. Continue reading

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Santa Shows Up and Blows Away Six People (Then Himself) on Christmas Day

It was Christmas morning and the family had all just opened their presents. Someone had brought out trash bags to collect the wrapping paper, shredded in avaricious Yuletide glee and strewn about the Grapevine, TX two-story apartment. Then Santa showed up and killed every single one of them. Including himself. No one would ever leave that living room again. Ho-Ho-Ho. Continue reading

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